Why the waiting is so hard

I don't talk about my grief on this blog. Most of this blog has been very focused on our adoption and it probably will continue to be that way. My grief has become such a part of me that I don't feel it's something separate from any other part of my life. It's hard to explain but basically I'm always grieving for my daughter. It's something I've been doing for over a year now and will continue to do as long as I live. But, I think the grief does make the waiting in this adoption process a lot harder. Justin and I have talked about this at great length and we both feel this way.

It's so hard to be so far away from your children. We have one child in Heaven and one child who living halfway around the world. It's heart wrenching at times. Today is one of those days. The weather is changing here in CA. It's our first real rainy day of the season. I don't mind the rain but it's funny how the weather can affect your mood so much. It's easier for me to happy on sunny days and harder to feel like everything is okay when it's dark and gray.

I've never really doubted our decision to go forward with this adoption process. Both Justin and I feel very convicted that this is what we are meant to do. But, it doesn't make the waiting any easier. The adoption process requires a large amount of faith that everything will turn out the way it's meant to be. Much like the grieving process. You must have faith that will you will survive it all.

I'd like to end this post with picture of my precious Abby. She sure did love her baths! It's one of my absolute favorite pictures of her because she just radiates joy. I wish I could include a picture of my other sweet girl. It will happen, someday soon.